Saturday, September 17, 2011

Stoops to Conquer

Mediocrity is our calling, which is more than we can say for the great American job machine. Zero net jobs were created last month. We stand at 5-4-1 for the college football season after going 2-2-1 last week, bringing our entertainment units to plus 60 pigskins

Let’s jumpstart the economic engine this week with 100 Nike swooshes each on:

Vanderbilt +2 over Ole Miss (the Plutocratic Commodores are 2-0 and will spank the Dixiecrats at home).

Navy +16 over South Carolina (Midshipmen firing broadsides from triple option will cover against Game Hens)

Northwestern -5 ½ over Army (Black Knights of the Hudson mere yeomen against Evanstonian Smarty Pants)

Maryland -1 over West Virginia (Reminiscent of a Picasso, new Terp uniforms bedazzle quaint mountain folk)

Duke +7 over Boston College (Cerulean Satans to bedevil Eagle Exorcists)

The big game, of course, pits the Athens of the Plains Sooners against the left-behind Seminoles (one of the five civilized tribes of Indian Territory). Our bonus pick is OU -3 over Florida State. 500 schooners on this one. Landry Jones outduels E.J. Manuel. Bob Stoops outsmarts brother Mark on the sidelines because Bob has better players.

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