We are unshaven, unbowed and unbroken. Belatedly, we offer our New Year’s resolutions:
Refine our tying of bow ties. Been a little crooked lately.
Pushups every day to keep our girlish figure.
Renew superstitions like wearing our crimson and cream necktie when needing a big win. Can’t use this one too often, because it only has so many victories woven in its silk (made in the USA, though).
Stock up on duct tape to repair snow boots and various other things that go awry.
Write our congressman/woman about sin taxes. A man can’t enjoy indigenous American products such as tobacco without paying a king’s ransom. We will give up our right to bear arms for relief from the health police.
Speaking of sin, resolve to avoid the near occasion of, unless it’s too near to avoid.
Get Eagles and Creedence Clearwater songs out of our head.
Take Northwestern and John Shurna every time. The guy has a hybrid set shot (remember those) and jump shot that hits from the three-point line with uncanny accuracy.
Never cheat on Scarlett Johansson.
Shave every day. The gray is too scary.
Perfect our golfer’s tan.
Not be such a smart-ass.
When picking a football game, do due diligence then go against, kind of like sub-prime mortgage traders.
Many more laps around the sun.
No comments:
Post a Comment