Real Tough Guys

Spare us the oohing and aahing over the “severity” of the sanctions against Pennsylvania State University football in the wake of an investigation that found the sainted Joe Paterno guilty of covering up for a child rapist.  If we were Southern Methodist University, we would secede from the National Collegiate Athletic Association, hire a lawyer and sue for the revenue it lost when its football program was kicked to the curb.

All SMU got from the NCAA was the death penalty in the early 1980s for the good old-fashioned all-American way of gaining an edge  –  paying its scholars to block and tackle.  But Penn State?  It still gets to play, pack its stadium with 100,000-plus fans for each home game this season, and still be on television.  Great.  If you’re so inclined you’ll be able to watch and listen to the blow-dried bloviators speak of the indomitable Penn State community and the “healing” virtues of intercollegiate competition.

This is what passes for disapproval.  Oh well.  We’ll get over it, though we won’t be as big a college football fan as we used to be.  We’re free of that now.  Of course, Western Civilization will fall if Oklahoma falls to Texas this October, but we can take it.

What we can’t take is the sense that the NCAA is somehow trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored.  Self-righteous to a fault, the NCAA proved to be as gutless as the Penn State administration and its hypocritical head coach.  We don’t have the numbers, but $60 million is probably what parking tickets are to Federal Express   –   just the cost of doing business

No, the NCAA flubbed it.  To sleep at night it chose to tell itself a story, the one about what a tough guy it was for making the Lions cut back on the number of linebacking studs it could stuff into Theory of Volleyball 101.

In our ideal world, every male freshman would receive a flyer (or a text message nowadays) informing him of football tryouts the Saturday before Labor Day, leather helmets would be optional, the coach would be a professor wanting to make some extra dough.

But, alas, it isn’t so and never was.  The men who ran Penn State and its football “program” thought it more important than little boys and sought to protect it rather than them.  By not pulling the plug, so did the NCAA.

Earthbound

Could Arkansas ever play in the national championship game? When pigs fly. After a flashy start, these Hogs remained pedestrians, pushed back into the mire by a Honey Badger named Tyrann Mathieu and his geaux-geaux Acadians in Baton Rouge.

This leaves the door open for one-loss teams Stanford and Virginia Tech to sneak in, assuming Oklahoma can vanquish Oklahoma State next week.

We were 3 and 2 last week, but nevertheless lost 300 from our goodwill bundle because, for the first time this year, our lock of the week let us down. The setback brings our year-to-date total to plus 10,790. For entertainment purposes only, we will double down on rivalry Saturday. You know, throw out the record books when these teams tangle.

Let’s put 2,000 BCS computers each on:

Michigan -7 ½ over Ohio State (Wolverines’ Denard Robinson dots the “i” for Buckeyes’ band)

Auburn +21 over Alabama (War Eagles, Plainsmen, Tigers – pick a nickname – will stun Tide. Michael Dyer outrushes Heisman hopeful Trent Richardson)

Illinois -11 over Minnesota (Just because the Golden Gophers stink)

Baylor -13 over Texas Tech (The Bears boast our vote for the Heisman – RG III)

Lock of the Week – Over/Under

Iowa State vs. Oklahoma over 60 (Sooners’ secondary exposed by aforementioned Griffin last week. Expect beaucoups points)

Agents of KAOS

Like the Republican presidential clown show, the BCS scrum has become a race to the bottom. Only Maxwell Smart and 99 can outwit this sharp-as-tacks crowd. Last night, the Cowboys, nee Aggies, of Stillwater were exposed as the latest pretender, much to the chagrin of our beloved Sooners, who were looking to knock off an undefeated Oklahoma State two weeks hence and insinuate themselves back into the championship picture.

Our pre-season pick of OU and Arkansas in the national championship game, though still possible, looks unlikely. Both will have to win out and Oregon must stumble. Alabama, though, will probably remain the highest-ranked one-loss team, and LSU with its wins against Alabama, Oregon and West Virginia, could be in the picture as well, even if it loses next week to Arkansas, who we expect to fall tonight to Mississippi State in Little Rock.

We stumbled last week, going two of five, losing 300 poll points to bring our straw vote to plus 11,090 on the year. But, hey, we're a leader not a reader. And our work as a historian has profited us handsomely so far. Our latest client is a little weak on his colonial period, so we've got to get to work and leave you with these Tiffany's gifts. For entertainment purposes only, let's put 1,000 Freddie Macs each on the following and 2,000 on our lock of the week.

Mississippi State +13 over Arkansas (Hogs have fed too much at the trough of luck. Bulldogs' Chris Relf leads team to upset)

Houston -20.5 over Southern Methodist (Casey Keenum leads Cougars. Alas, Houston will be the only undefeated team not making it to the championship)

Southern California +14 ½ over Oregon (Trojans have enough horses to keep it close)

Kansas State +8 over Texas (How can the Longhorns be the favorite after scoring just a safety and a field goal against Missouri last week?)

Lock of the Week – Over/Under
Wisconsin vs. Illinois over 51(Both teams can score, though the Illini have been anemic of late. Badgers prevail late on a Russell Wilson TD toss)

What Rough Beast

It is often remarked that there is no fool like an old fool. We should know.

But rarely does the foolishness descend to a circle of hell not limned by “il Sommo Poeta.” It is a special place for the old man who stays too long at the fair, blinded enough by his specialness to tell the bosses they don’t need to spend another second discussing his future because he’s quitting their vale of tears after a few more slack-jawed, back-bent shuffles to the Penn State sidelines.

Bad form, old sport. Check your glasses. Grandiosity little becomes you now.

Greater pens than ours have opined on the scandal (the very word seems inadequate) unfolding in State College, Pa., like Yeats’ beast slouching toward Bethlehem. We can add no more to the chorus of obvious revulsion, so we’ll leave it at this; the ugly critter is slouching still. There is much more to come in this unpretty spectacle of men too old and too cocooned by enabling fans and hagiographers to man up.

For entertainment purposes only, our picks follow. Last week we were perfect, going five for five and adding 6,000 units, bringing our year-to-date bounty to plus 11,390.

We will put 1,000 units on these four contests and 2,000 on our lock of the week.

Spread:

Stanford -3 ½ over Oregon (The Trees’ defense is the star of this one)

Wisconsin -27 ½ over Minnesota (The behemoths manning the Badger line will maul the Gophers)

UCLA +7 over Utah (UCLANS will win the Pac-12 south)

Tennessee +14 ½ over Arkansas (Volunteers hung tough against 'Bama for a half)

Over/Under Lock of the Week:

Texas A&M vs. Kansas State over 65 (Aggies can't stop anybody, but will score 35 themselves in the first half)

You're Looking Live at the 21st Century

It's game of the century time. Numbers one and two vie for what looks like a ticket to the BCS championship game. We attended the 20th century version of this dust-up in 1971, when the late Jack Mildren heaved the number-two Sooners on his crimson shoulders, only to be outdone by the number-one Huskers' Johnny Rodgers (an armed robber who got away with another crime – a punt return TD aided by an uncalled clip).

Oh well, it's just a game. Sure, and Scarlett Johansson is just a woman. If the LSU-Alabama game follows the script of its predecessor, LSU gets the win on the road.

After a rousing win of 1,800 leatherheads last week (to bring our college total to 5,390), we venture, for entertainment purposes only, 1,000 face masks each on:

University of Southern California -20 over Colorado (the woeful Buffaloes have yet to win a Pac-10 game)

Louisiana State +5 over Alabama (Thuggish Bayou brawlers force McCarron to pass and pick off three of them. It's ebb Tide)

Stanford -21 over Oregon State (The Trees keep standing tall. Beavers can't gnaw these Redwoods down. Luck has everything to do with a perfect record vs. spread – the QB and the Lady.)

Wisconsin -26 over Purdue (Boilermakers may trot out the Purdue Golden Girl to distract Bucky Badger, but it won't work)


Lock of the Week (2,000 chinstraps):
Over/Under

South Carolina vs. Arkansas over 52 (Gamecocks get feisty against Razorbacks' defensive sieve. Final score Arkansas 35, South Carolina 21).

Alas, we will miss the LSU-Alabama game as we will be ensconced at Reynolds-Razorback Stadium to watch the live action. We'll be the fellow with the hog hat on snout-backwards.

It's Gone to Our Head

It's been a banner week for the Pontiff of Picks. Saturdays have become a Holy Day of Obligation for those wishing to save their immoral, er immortal, souls. We stored up treasures in heaven worth 1,950 cherubim in our last outing, bringing our season-to-date total to plus 3,590, for enertainment purposes only.

Herewith are our pre-Halloween choices. Don't be scared, but we are doubling down this Saturday. If we fail, remember us on All-Saints Day.

Let's put 1,000 supplications each on:

Stanford -7 1/2 over USC (The Trees are perfect against the spread so far)

Northwestern -9 over Indiana (Hapless Hoosiers will be "Persa"cuted by Purple pumas)

Fordham +30 over Army (The Rams will recall Lombardi and the seven blocks of granite as the officers-to-be will lose the ball six times in the rain and snow expected on the Hudson)

Navy +21 1/2 over Notre Dame (The PT 73 runs circles around punchless Binghamtons of South Bend)

And 2,000 on our Lock of the Week:
Over/Under
Arkansas vs. Vanderbilt over 51 1/2 (Vandy routed Mississippi and will score 24 against porous pigs; predicted final Arkansas wins 35-24).

One last note, our World Series pick came to fruition. Recall, we went with St. Louis at 15 to 1 before the playoffs, netting 1,500 horsehides and closing our baseball season at plus 3,900.

New Math

Scholar athletes everywhere were not surpised by the first Bowl Championship Series rankings. Drawing on our differential calculus course work, we discern that the winners of LSU/Alabama and Oklahoma/Oklahoma State games down the road will be the representatives in the championship game.

For our cogitations this weekend, we dusted off our slide rule (remember when engineering students wore them dangling from their belts?) and came up with these quadratic equations.

For entertainment purposes only, let's put 500 second derivatives each on:

Spread:
Stanford -20 over Washington (Luck will clean split valves of Stanford band if Huskies get close)
Kansas State -10 1/2 over Kansas (Purple Cats are best-kept secret in Big 12. Jayhawks won't get 5 first downs)
Oregon -31 over Colorado (Aflacs cover easily over endangered bovine breed)

Over/Under:
Arkansas vs. Mississippi, over 56 1/2 (Hogs QB Tyler Wilson is one tough cookie. He won't crumble and will humble Bonnie Blue Flags, who get two defensive TDs)

Lock of the Week (1,000 cube roots):
Texas Tech vs. Oklahoma, over 70 (Red Raiders will score at least three TDs; Sooner Schooner ponies will be run ragged celebrating OU scores).

Last week, our lock bailed us out,cutting our loss to 150 units, bringing the toal this season to plus 1,640.

Paradise Regained

We were close to infallible last week, gathering 1,950 ex cathedras, including our lock of the week, to bring our poor box total to plus 1,790 for the season. Let's put 500 for plenary indulgences each on four and 1,000 madonnas on our lock of the week. No need for prayer, these are our nonrefundable tickets out of purgatory:

For entertainment purposes only:

Oklahoma -35 1/2 over Kansas (Sooners could score 80)

Rutgers -2 over Navy (Scarlet Knights at home win by a field goal)

Baylor +8 1/2 over Texas A&M (RG III baffles Farmers)

Alabama -28 over Mississippi (Houston Nutt's days as Rebel Yell leader numbered)

LOCK OF THE WEEK: Stanford -21 over Washington State (This is too easy. The Cardinal sin defangs improved Cougars)

Second Saturday in October

It's hard to believe that the college football season is already at the midpoint, but then it's hard to puzzle out anything other than an SEC team will be in the BCS national championship game.

For entertainment purposes only, 500 Texas State Fair corn dogs on each of the following spread picks, 1,000 on over/under lock of the week.

Against the spread:

University of Oklahoma -11 over University of Texas (Athens of the Plains uses artful passing of Jones to philosopher kings Stills and Broyles to keep Western Civilization upright)

Rutgers +7 over Pittsburgh (Scarlet Knights have covered every game this season. The trend continues as home dogs).

Stanford -29 1/2 over Colorado (The Trees at home
rain acorns aplenty on prairie bovines).

Air Force +11 over Notre Dame (too many looks from the best team in Colorado for tunnel-vision defense of lace-curtain Irish).


Over/Under Lock of the Week:

Texas A&M vs. Texas Tech, over 72 (Whoever has the ball last wins).

Our deficit swelled to minus 160 with last week's picks, saved from complete ignominy by our lock of the week.

Boomer, Sooner!

Classics Class

How the mighty have fallen. Mourning may become Electra, but humility does not look too good on the infallible. Thus, at the risk of angering the gods further (they flayed us last week), for entertainment purposes only we’ll venture 500 rosy-fingered dawns each on these Olympian contests.

Spread:

Iowa State +9 over Texas (the Cyclones beat the Longhorns outright in Austin last year)

Navy -3 ½ over Air Force (the cruise missiles from the Midshipmen take out Falcon stealth bombers in battle of triple option teams)

Boise State -27 ½ over Nevada (Broncos trample Wolf Pack in payback for last year’s upset)

Stanford -21 ½ over UCLA (Uclans will need more than smarts to conquer Luck and the Trees at Palo Alto)

Over/Under:

Ball State vs. Oklahoma over 61 (Sooners will romp at home, but Cardinals will score at least three touchdowns. This is a lock. 1,000 reeboks on this one)

All hubris aside, we tumbled from plus 640 Prometheans to minus 10 Augean stables on the college football season, going 2 and 3. Our oracle assures us we’re up to the Herculean task of cleaning up.

The Inner Child

We are a bit late with our picks this week due to inner, er I mean internet outage (Jungian slip). But here goes this Saturday's America (all picks made before noon EDT for entertainment purposes only):

Arkansas +12 over Alabama (Tramain Thomas and Hogs’ defense comes of age as Tide rolls – over)

Georgia Tech -7 over North Carolina (Ramblin’ Wreck’s triple option and big-play passing game leaves Heels stuck in the tar)

Pittsburgh +7 over Notre Dame (Panthers, in home lair, pounce on lackadaisical Leprechauns)

Vanderbilt +15 ½ over South Carolina (Commodores rule the roost over ‘Cocks sans spurs)

San Diego State +10 over Michigan (Aztecs exact Montezuma’s revenge by sacrificing virgin Wolverines to appease football gods)

We went 4-2 last week with our bonus play on Oklahoma gave us a big boost, bringing our skins on the wall to plus 640 for the young college season. This emboldens us to sling 500 frisbees on each contest, so we are getting our Labrador retrievers in shape and have them looking sharp in de rigeur bandanas.

Stoops to Conquer

Mediocrity is our calling, which is more than we can say for the great American job machine. Zero net jobs were created last month. We stand at 5-4-1 for the college football season after going 2-2-1 last week, bringing our entertainment units to plus 60 pigskins

Let’s jumpstart the economic engine this week with 100 Nike swooshes each on:

Vanderbilt +2 over Ole Miss (the Plutocratic Commodores are 2-0 and will spank the Dixiecrats at home).

Navy +16 over South Carolina (Midshipmen firing broadsides from triple option will cover against Game Hens)

Northwestern -5 ½ over Army (Black Knights of the Hudson mere yeomen against Evanstonian Smarty Pants)

Maryland -1 over West Virginia (Reminiscent of a Picasso, new Terp uniforms bedazzle quaint mountain folk)

Duke +7 over Boston College (Cerulean Satans to bedevil Eagle Exorcists)

The big game, of course, pits the Athens of the Plains Sooners against the left-behind Seminoles (one of the five civilized tribes of Indian Territory). Our bonus pick is OU -3 over Florida State. 500 schooners on this one. Landry Jones outduels E.J. Manuel. Bob Stoops outsmarts brother Mark on the sidelines because Bob has better players.

For Old Alma Mater

After a week of writing poetry in iambic pentameter, shooting skeet and calculating the expected risk-adjusted return for every stock in the S&P 500, this week’s picks among the Renaissance men in pads, for entertainment purposes only, are:

BYU +7 over Texas (Texas covered by just ½ point over Rice last week)

Penn State +10 over Alabama (battle of two two-quarterback systems)

Stanford -20 ½ over Duke (Andrew Luck and his Palo Alto palominos too much for tobacco heiresses)

Georgia +3 over South Carolina (Desperate Dawgs save Richt’s job)

Nevada +26 ½ over Oregon (Even without Kaepernick loading the pistol formation, Chris Ault’s Wolfpack covers easily)

100 ephemeral euros each.

We were 3-2 last week, which netted the kitty 80 meows.

Note: We ended the baseball season, netting 2,600 horsehides.

O Come All Ye Faithful

College football, the holiest of seasons, gets underway in earnest today. We have spent the evening in chapel and have emerged with these divinely inspired picks. 100 units on each, for entertainment purposes only:

Northwestern +4 ½ over Boston College

South Florida +10 over Notre Dame

Oregon -3 ½ over LSU

Rice +24 ½ over Texas

Boise State -3 over Georgia

Pick for BCS Championship game: Oklahoma vs. Arkansas

Adeste Fideles!

You Can Smell It

Unconscious Jon Diebler undid us the other day. The young Buckeye poured in threes as easily as teddy bears nestle with toddlers snoring in their beds. It was sleepwalking against the Wisconsin Badgers. Who needed stalwart Jared Sullinger inside when beyond the arc was the comfort zone for the Ohio State University?

As earthly mammals, we all seek comfort even as we strive to overcome our fellow mammal, each of whom is born live with fur and warm blood and the drive to overcome his or her brethren. Winning requires comfort, a condition that requires the ability of holding two opposing ideas in the mind and still function, a daunting task that makes this sporting life fraught with tension.

Want to bet on West Texas Intermediate crude going to $150 a barrel? There is another mammal who would take your action and relish in your loss. How about Ford Motor Co. breaching $20 a share this year? Plenty of short-sellers who’ll go the other way.

We attended our first boxing match the other night, watching young men in blue and gold (for entertainment purposes only) and managed to escape without blood on our jacket, which we considered a victory. A delicious slice of lemon meringue pie and a cup of coffee topped the evening off, and we mused that competition makes liars of us all. Martha Stewart wasn’t convicted of insider trading, but lying to the U.S. government about it.

We had a class long ago in Hawthorne and Melville, during which, in a discussion of the latter’s “The Confidence Man,” a young man of tender sensibilities actually broke down crying, exclaiming that no one can be trusted and the professor had to go to his side and pat him on the back. We chuckled at the time, but now we wonder if he wasn’t right to despair. Comfort zones are just that -- zones. When the world is turned upside down and we see it for what it is, all the bromides, sweater vests of coaches and protestations of integrity disintegrate.

Now, we are no saint, but Jim Tressel, the pigskin coach of the Ohio State University, keeps trying to be one. C’mon man. There is no comfort zone for a phony unless he wins.

“There ain't nothin' more powerful than the odor of mendacity...You can smell it.” (Tennessee Williams, Cat on Hot tin Roof).

Meanwhile, expect the Crimson and Cream of Cleveland County Indian Territory to cover against the Bears of Waco and the Johnnies of Queens County to cover against the Scarlet Knights of New Brunswick.

Had Ourselves...

…a merry little bowl season. We have our new boxers, pajama bottoms, Christmas tree necktie and cashmere scarf made in China. The boxers came just in time because our laundry is in still in the wash and fold place across the street. Can’t get there because of the Feast of St. Stephen storm that makes walking through unshoveled drifts treacherous. And more to come.

But the three kings came bearing gifts. We thought they were for us. But no! Mr. Dyer of the Auburn War Eagles, Plainsmen, Tigers (pick your nickname) rolled off an Oregon tackler without hitting the ground and was told to run by teammates when he thought he was down.

One is never down, though. The sun comes up, and if one steps gingerly through the havoc of city streets filled with trash and snow, stiff arms and spins he can get drop kicked by Jesus through the goalposts of life.

Mr. Bynum, place kicker for the Auburn side, eschewed the drop kick and let someone hold the ball as he executed his skill. We would never want to be a snapper, holder or kicker. Rather, if we were larger, we would be a right guard buried in the pile and far from scrutiny.

When we were a young slender halfback in a T-formation, the coach called what he called a 32-cross, that is, number 3 back through the number 2 hole. Alas, there was no hole and a man playing boys planted us on our rear end.

One is never down and out, though. We have the National Basketball Association (take Clippers against the points every time), the National Football League (take Seahawks to go all the way), NCAA basketball (take St. Mary’s of California against the points every time).

And never punt, always go for two points, always onside kick and never practice putting.

O Holy Night

We search our hearts in this season of joy and light and find that, as usual, we come up lacking, but what the heck. Bowl season is upon us and we must persevere. Our Irish, Anglo-Saxon and Cherokee (‘Skins’ as our Osage friend called ‘em) forefathers would demand no less, though Gaelic football, rugby and lacrosse are mysteries to us.

Not so the American variety of four downs, seven men on the line of scrimmage, one man in motion and drawing plays in the dirt. We are infallible, except for taking the McHale’s Navy team against the Montezumas of San Diego St. in the Poinsettia Bowl. By the way, what is this trend of enunciating the last “i” in this Christmas flower? Have we been locked up too long in our hillbilly trailer park?

We digress. A beloved sibling used to give us his bowl picks each year, carefully copied by hand and delivered personally to his inner circle. We will usurp him this year because 35 games are too much for one man to bear. As we recall, the young man incorrectly predicted a Roger Staubach-led Navy team win over Texas in the 1964 Cotton Bowl game. But we could be wrong. We often are.

Not so in the 21st century. Our predictions for entertainment purposes only:

Wisconsin over TCU in the Rose Bowl

Arkansas over Ohio State in the Sugar Bowl

Stanford over Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl

Texas A&M over LSU in the Cotton Bowl

Our beloved Sooners over Connecticut in the Fiesta Bowl

Auburn over Oregon in the BCS championship

We will not pick the Chick-fil-A or GoDaddy.com bowls, though we will be watching them for entertainment purposes only.

On Christmas Eve, we must entertain ourselves while counting our blessings on this holiest of nights:

Beautiful children and beautiful women.

Gold, frankincense and myrrh.

Golfing buddies.

Peace on Earth, good will toward men.

Same old Jets.

Christmas ties you can only wear one day a year.

Who has it better than us?

The Morning Star and Freshman English

When we awoke the other morning, we at first thought it was a police helicopter heading toward a sleepy city that never sleeps. But it kept rising on the horizon above the dowdy apartment buildings and tire repair shops on the east side of the street without coming nearer to our abode on the west. Then it vanished as that lucky old sun -- which has nothing to do but roam around heaven all day -- gave light to our planet.

In all our to’ing and fro’ing, we lit a cigarette and stopped to ponder if the universe were expanding or contracting. Will Venus (not being astronomers, we assumed it was Venus), the morning star mistaken for a man-made airborne vehicle, shine for us in perpetuity, or will it end in a whimper, not a bang? As goes Venus, so goes Earth. Eventually, in a gazillion years both will become frozen ice balls when the fires of our hydrogen-fueled Apollo die. This is the cosmologist’s version of doomed! doomed, I say!

But in the short term, we must focus on more important things. We begin our agonizing decline. China and the old Europe, as an ex-secretary of defense called it, excoriate Bernanke and the central bank of the U.S.A. for “quantitative easing,” i.e., buying long-term government debt to boost the money supply. It’s the only card left to play. It’s like seeing a return of a perfect serve and rushing to send a lob over your opponent’s menacing grin at the net. You’ve got to try, man.

And try we shall. The inevitable end of life doesn’t mean we should neglect this sporting life in which we find ourselves today.

Our beloved Temple Owls failed us last week, but we expect them to rebound against the Miami (Ohio) Redhawks tonight -- two carnivores of the air who keep the rodent population down.

By the way, there’s a Miami, Oklahoma, too, home of Heisman Trophy winner Steve Owens, he of the crimson and cream who was big man on campus in our freshman year long ago when we sauntered to our English class and got an F on our first essay. We’ve never been the same since.

Curtain Up

Who says there are no second acts in American life?

Barack Obama can draw inspiration from, of all people, Michael Vick, the quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles, and the New York football Giants. Having paid his debt for harming man’s best friend, Mr. Vick eviscerated the Washington foes last night in a performance that would draw ecstatic raves from the toughest critic at Variety or Hollywood Reporter.

His ruthlessness evinced against the animal kingdom in the past has now been transferred to the gridiron against his fellow man in pads. The strategists of the New York football Giants must be gnashing teeth and rubbing furrowed brows to figure a way to stop him next Sunday night. Our answer: keep him off the field. Run the game clock down. Run more than pass. Run for your life.

Mr. Vick proved himself to be Nietzsche’s ubermensch, beyond good and evil, launching deep passes with the accuracy of cruise missiles or waltzing through bewildered defenses as if at a debutante ball. The U.S.A. could have used him in Afghanistan and Iraq. And he could have danced all night.

In the meantime, like the New York football Giants, Mr. Obama must be spending nights watching game film of the Republican ascendancy and plotting his own comeback. Unless the recovering economy starts producing jobs as well as gobs of cash for the well-heeled, he could be doomed.

Or he could take a page from Donovan McNabb, the once Eagles quarterback, now with the Redskins vanquished by Mr. Vick. Mr. McNabb signed a five-year extension on his contract and picked up a fresh load of cash, despite cardiovascular issues. Talk about second acts. We who are wheezing salute you.

As for “amateur” football, as played in the farm system for the NFL known as institutions of higher learning, Ohio at Temple is a tough call tonight. But if we were a speculating sort, for entertainment purposes only, we would take Temple and give 7 ½ points. This is based on the analysis that Owls are predators but wise and Bobcats are vicious but simple.

Renaissance Man

My name is Ron Washington, skipper of the Arlington, Tex., baseball club. I chose to remove starter C.J. Wilson because I peddled subprime mortgage securities and wanted to maximize the downfall and damage to the economy. Just kidding, but c’mon man.

Ron, you should join the board of governors of the Federal Reserve and bail out bankers so they can give each other bonuses to pay the salaries of pinstripers. No. I remember every detail. You wore red, white and blue, the Huns of Steinbrenner wore gray while Nolan Ryan slumped in his seat.

The firemen of the Rangers turned out to be the arson squad. They threw heat all right, bathed in gasoline that sent the empire staters to an improbable come from behind victory over the Texan freedom fighters, now caught in the headlights of inevitable golf dates a week from now. Remember the Alamo, fellows.

Sometimes when we try to be renaissance men, we eat our seed corn and then wonder where our next meal is going to come from. “Life is much more successfully looked at through a single window, after all,” Nick Carraway says in “The Great Gatsby.” That it is, old sport, as Gatsby himself might have said.

Looking out our window, a single window for entertainment purposes only, we see Wisconsin over Ohio State; Nebraska over Texas; Nevada vs. Hawaii over 75. Meanwhile, Boise State’s young men will not remain No. 1 in the BCS standings. They just don’t play enough tough teams down the road.

If these prognostications are less than Nostrodamus-like, you can yank our scholarship.