With more than a month and a half of 2012 under our belt and the fate of the Western world teetering in the balance, we make these fearless prognostications for the remainder of this anno domini.
Gasoline goes to $5 a gallon and Barack Obama is re-elected anyway. The Republican field is so unpalatable that even Rick Santorum may be a tastier dish than Mitt Romney, which is to say unelectable. The argument has shifted from the Obama defense that the economy “would have been worse” if its life jackets hadn't been distributed to the Republican pout that “it would have been even better” if, for instance, Motown had not been bailed out. Either conceit is a dog that won't hunt.
The world will remain asynchronous. The United States took its lumps and is now pulling out of it. It's Europe's turn now to pay the piper for fecklessness. The Old World will pull out of it, too. By the end of 2012, U.S. consumption growth will be the engine that gets the euro zone and its environs back on the growth path. Buy France Telecom (FTE) for the lush dividend.
Uranium stocks will double as nuclear power gains currency. Buy Denison Mines (DNN) and Cameco (CCJ).
The Southeastern Conference will not have a representative in the BCS championship game. Call us a conspiracy theorist, but the other conferences are so sick with envy of the riches the SEC keeps piling up that they'll rig the computers.
The St. Louis ball club will repeat as World Series champions without Albert Pujols, who will hit .260 for the Anaheim ball club.
Speaking of St. Louis, the University thereof will be the surprise team in the NCAA basketball tournament. The Billikens are quietly 21-5. Pick them to get to the sweet 16 when the office bracket sheets are distributed.
Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine will bow to umpires when presenting lineup cards and curse them only in Japanese, thus avoiding ejection the entire season.
Apple and Nike will announce a joint venture to market smart-phone swoosh logos that athletes can use to tweet with while competing on the field, court or golf course.
The next sports scandal will be a gambling fraud at the next Super Bowl. The National Anthem singer will string out the song beyond the over/under prop bet time at the behest of organized crime. Hey, who would have thought a safety would be the first score of this year's game?
We will break 100 more than once this year and our lost sand wedge will be returned.
